I'm okay
Try as I might, I can't keep pretending everything is going to be fine; nothing seems worthwhile anymore. Sure, there is always a "better tomorrow" somewhere, but I can't see it. When I can only settle for "leftovers" or "second best", why keep doing my best at all?
All this nice talk of "you're a nice guy" or "learn from your mistakes and move on" is just a front to hide the message, "we don't want you here".
"People smile at your face while they put a knife in your back"
I still stand by that quote, and with the direction this world is going, it may have to become this fear-addled country's motto. P...

I'm okay
Try as I might, I can't keep pretending everything is going to be fine; nothing seems worthwhile anymore. Sure, there is always a "better tomorrow" somewhere, but I can't see it. When I can only settle for "leftovers" or "second best", why keep doing my best at all?
All this nice talk of "you're a nice guy" or "learn from your mistakes and move on" is just a front to hide the message, "we don't want you here".
"People smile at your face while they put a knife in your back"
I still stand by that quote, and with the direction this world is going, it may have to become this fear-addled country's motto. People today are just so afraid of taking chances and risks that they never leave their little circle of comfort; just too comfortable in there to step out of it.
Talking is also getting to be less effective; just a temporary feel-good to a lingering problem. When inner turmoil outweighs coping methods, a release or escape gets to sound much better; my thoughts turn dark, morbid, and disturbingly realistic. A good end to this chapter of my life.

Then I realize there is a whole world out there I haven't experienced and people I haven't met yet. This chapter may close but I can write a new one which can be better than the last. Sure, things didn't go the way I would have liked, and didn't really deserve what I got, but perhaps life isn't about getting what you deserve. Maybe it's working with what you get and making the best of it, bittersweet as it may sound. And just maybe, if you're real lucky, you can get a real gift worth living for.

Or not. I don't know, I'm just an naive fool.