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3 years ago (10/03/08)
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26 year-old female from Nebraska
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God's Timing
I just got married a few weeks ago and I had a lot of doubts about marriage. My parents are divorced and there was a lot of emotional, physical, verbal abuse going on between them. My husband and I were together seven years before we got married (two yrs engaged). He has been a true blessing from God! I didn't treat him so well though (to this day I don't know why he stuck around). I didn't think our relationship was going to last from high school to college because I've heard how many relationships don't make it. I figured it'd be easier if I forced him to leave rather than having him leave on his own; I thought this would protect me somehow. Our freshman year of college I treated him pretty awful (which he has forgiven me for). There were nights when he would storm out of my dorm room. I figured he wouldn't be back ever. He called an hour and a half later and said he was sitting in his car in the parking lot of my dorm because he couldn't leave. That happened three times that I remember, but I'm sure it occurred more frequently than that. During this same time I had a friend who was in the hospital for bulimia and my husband's little sister was in the same hospital at the same time for the same reason (not to mention we were also adjusting to college life, which everyone knows is a challenge in itself). My sophomore year of college I finally realized that he really wasn't going anywhere and he truly did love me. I knew then that if I didn't change my behavior I really was going to lose him, which was the last thing I wanted. By pushing him away, I was doing nothing but hurting him and me. Deep down I knew he loved me more than I could ever love him back, so I prayed about it. I asked God to help the deep love grow within me, so I could truly love him as much as he loved me. The summer before my senior year of college, my husband convinced me to work at a camp. I thought he was crazy for a suggesting it, but I thought I was even crazier for agreeing. That summer was incredible! It seemed like every week I had a difficult cabin with the issues that the girls were working through in their personal lives. It was one of the best experiences of my life. God was stretching me beyond where I thought my abilities ended and I had to rely on a lot of awesome cabin leaders for support. I remember after that summer my husband's mom said she could tell I was more committed to her son. I could tell a difference in our relationship, but I still felt like he loved me more than I could ever love him back, so I prayed about it some more. Our senior year of college, on our five year anniversary, he proposed. It was absolutely beautiful! I felt joyful, but I didn’t feel my heart pouring out love like I hoped, so I prayed for God to fill my heart with the deep love I knew I was missing. I graduated from college in May, but he wasn’t going to graduate until December. I knew I wanted to do counseling, but I couldn’t do that with a Psychology degree, so I decided to start working on my Master’s. We agreed that we would both be done with school before we married, so after I was accepted into grad school I planned out my classes and found out I would be done May 2010, so we booked the church for May 22. About a month before graduation, I found out I wouldn’t be graduating on time due to my internship. This was really disappointing news, but it was too late to change the wedding date, so we decided we’d go ahead and get married and I would graduate a semester later. I was so focused on classes, homework, internship, etc. that the wedding really snuck up on me. The day seemed to fly by. As I was waiting to make my grand entrance in front of everyone, I prayed to God. I told God that I didn’t know if what I was doing was right, so I was going to trust Him with this, b/c I always believed He put us together for a reason, even though my doubts about marriage were still with me. I felt a calmness come over me as I smiled and made my way to the front of the church to meet my groom. Everyone said it was a really nice wedding and one of my mom’s friends commented,âœYou can tell he really loves her.†I don’t recall anyone making the comment,â€You can tell she really loves him.†This saddened me a bit as I thought about how great his love is for me, since it’s so obvious to people. I prayed about it again, asking God to fill me with that same love. A month into our marriage, I finally got my prayer answered. My husband and I were talking late one evening and I told him someone posed the question, “What is hindering your connection to God?†I answered, “Love.†I explained how God loves us unconditionally, but we can never fully understand His love. If we’ve never been shown that kind of love and we can’t give that kind of love, how are we supposed to receive it and accept it? My husband said, “Well dear, the only way I can love you that much is because God loves me that much.†I kind of blew that off by telling him that I’ve heard that before, but it doesn’t mean much. My husband responded, “Dear, He is showing you His love. I love you so much that nothing you could ever do could make me love you less, so by me showing you love and by you receiving love from me, you are experiencing God’s love.†As soon as he said that I started crying. I felt so stupid for missing it! What an amazing picture! My husband was there through so many bad things. I tried to push him away, but he never went anywhere. When that didn’t work I tried to run away and hide from him, but that didn’t work either because he was still there. How many times did I treat God the same way growing up? It was a perfect parallel! Why didn’t I see it? As I cried in my husbandâ€s arms I felt my heart open. I felt God’s love pouring into me and in turn I felt a much deeper love and appreciation for my dear husband. I don’t know why it took me so long to realize it when it was right in front of me for the last seven years! My prayer, God answered years ago, but for me to understand my prayer was answered took the first month of married life and I am very grateful for that.
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October 9th, 1985 | | URAGAYROBOT'S... | | | Groups |
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