November 16th, 2009

I'm getting to the point where everything in my near future seems to have a sort of finality to it. I've been in college for over four years, and for the most part I'll be done with that in May. Unless something specifically compels me to stay in Denton, I'll be moving in June. This opens new doors of course. I'll start working again, even though I'm really at a loss to say what kind of job I want to do. Occasionally I'll wish that I specialized more with my degree, but then I can imagine feeling pretty trapped in that situation... and I'm glad that I set myself to studying society, and thought, and the questions of life rather than what would amount to a single set of skills. It won't be as much of a problem finding a job that I'm qualified for as it will be finding one that's unique enough to actually be interesting. A lot will be different when I move. Something about being here solely for school always made my apartment feel like a temporary home. I've never decorated, and it's surprising sometimes to think about the things that have remained exactly the same for two years. For a lot of that time I was reclusive while in Denton, and I practically never had company. Occasionally Jared and Allen would stop by, and things are different this semester with Jared and Kristi living in town, but in all that time I've never made real friends here. I don't expect to meet new people more often regardless of where I live really, but I'm looking forward to being closer to all my friends back home again.

So that's the good kind of finality, where something ends and a new opportunity begins. I suppose this is the bad kind. With Rebekah's encouragement I had a talk with Brittany, in order to get a straight answer about what I already knew but didn't want to accept. She told me that she has no romantic feelings for me, that she had tried, but just couldn't see me as more than a friend. So that's over with... and it's been okay so far, but I haven't had to see her since then. The sad part isn't losing her, because I'll still have her in my life just as much. I suppose it's the fact that this doesn't lead anywhere... and I'm not any closer to anything than I was before.