10 Ways To Tell You Were A N64 Whore
1. If words like "Water Temple", "Rusty Bucket Bay", and "Facility in 2:05" make you want to punch a sleeping baby. 2. While the rest of the gaming industry was turning towards discs, it was the turn of the millennium and you were still blowing on cartridges. 3. If you believe Hell is a real place, and in that place, try as you might, you will NEVER get your hat back from that damned monkey. 4. While your Playstation pals were collecting medallions and crank handles in zombie-infested mansions and police stations, you were collecting stars, coins, and golden jigsaw pieces. 5. LAN party? Online play? Pfft. You know that true multiplayer came from you and three friends huddled around a 13" TV, and every time you screen-looked, God killed a masturbating kitten. 6. Until the day you die, you will declare that Halo and CoD wouldn't have existed without GoldenEye. 7. If you believe the Death Star Trench Run in Rogue Squadron was the worst Star Wars level of all time. 8. If Mario Party made you rape the control stick with your palm. 9. When developer-hidden easter eggs weren't revealed until months (Naboo Starfighter in Rogue Squadron) or years (push-button codes for GoldenEye) later. 10. Slippy must be gay, because he always needed you to get that guy off him. |
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