Greatmumphry: The Beginning
I was going through some old files on my computer and I came across a gem I just had to share. Since it's all the rage to tell or retell the origins of superheroes and space crews these days, I figured the RT community would enjoy to hear my brother Greatmumphry's own origin story -- or at least, where he came up with his name.

It was the year of our lord 1998. GM had a big crush on a classmate, and thought, as young men are wont to do, that he should compose a poem for her. So, as Vogt men are wont to do, he wrote her a poem about pooping and penises. Below is the poem, unabridged for her pleasure:

The Tuna Can Man

You know why they call him that?
'Cause he's one inch long and three inches wide;
He never hits the bottom but he scrapes both sides!
He was born and raised in a bad part of town,
He drives a psychadelic Yugo to get him around.
His dad was a junkie, his mother a whore.
He's part injin, part bean, part smelly wild boar!
His original job was remodeling Fords,
But he spooked all his clients when he showed them his gourd!
He then worked odd jobs that really did swallow,
Until that one lucky day when he won the state lotto.
But unlucky for him he was in Delaware
So his prize only netted him a pair of underwear.
Feeling kind of bad and down on his luck,
He Thought the best thing to do would be get hit by a truck.
So he went to the street and lied down on the road,
When who should pay a visit but a portable commode!
His face lit up and he became quite gitty;
It was his dream come true so he started getting jiggy!
Then the lock went from "In use" to "vacant" in green,
And emerged a man whom we all knew but never seen.
He had just dropped his load so he was dump-free:
Yes, yes it was the GREAT MUMPHREY!!
He pulled down his pants as he spoke through a horn:
"Kudos! To all who respect the creamed corn!"
This is exactly what Tuna Can needed,
No longer in life would he feel cheated.
He got his life on track and declared himself gay,
Moved into a seaside condo with a butt-pumper named Ray.
When you think that your life is nothing but a shit-heep,
Call on the Great Mumphrey; he'll get you on your feet!

Greatmumphry: The Beginning
I was going through some old files on my computer and I came across a gem I just had to share. Since it's all the rage to tell or retell the origins of superheroes and space crews these days, I figured the RT community would enjoy to hear my brother Greatmumphry's own origin story -- or at least, where he came up with his name.

It was the year of our lord 1998. GM had a big crush on a classmate, and thought, as young men are wont to do, that he should compose a poem for her. So, as Vogt men are wont to do, he wrote her a poem about pooping and penises. Below is the poem, unabridged for her pleasure:

The Tuna Can Man

You know why they call him that?
'Cause he's one inch long and three inches wide;
He never hits the bottom but he scrapes both sides!
He was born and raised in a bad part of town,
He drives a psychadelic Yugo to get him around.
His dad was a junkie, his mother a whore.
He's part injin, part bean, part smelly wild boar!
His original job was remodeling Fords,
But he spooked all his clients when he showed them his gourd!
He then worked odd jobs that really did swallow,
Until that one lucky day when he won the state lotto.
But unlucky for him he was in Delaware
So his prize only netted him a pair of underwear.
Feeling kind of bad and down on his luck,
He Thought the best thing to do would be get hit by a truck.
So he went to the street and lied down on the road,
When who should pay a visit but a portable commode!
His face lit up and he became quite gitty;
It was his dream come true so he started getting jiggy!
Then the lock went from "In use" to "vacant" in green,
And emerged a man whom we all knew but never seen.
He had just dropped his load so he was dump-free:
Yes, yes it was the GREAT MUMPHREY!!
He pulled down his pants as he spoke through a horn:
"Kudos! To all who respect the creamed corn!"
This is exactly what Tuna Can needed,
No longer in life would he feel cheated.
He got his life on track and declared himself gay,
Moved into a seaside condo with a butt-pumper named Ray.
When you think that your life is nothing but a shit-heep,
Call on the Great Mumphrey; he'll get you on your feet!